After reading this student’s essay, I felt there were some great strengths within the writing; good factual sourcing to back up claims, few but meaningful personal anecdotes, and a thesis statement that connected with the arguments laid out in the rest of the paper. The overall position this student takes, which I think is the statement of “I believe going all in on a strictly Soylent diet is not the way to live our best lives, but rather moderately implicating uses for uses such as saving money…”(2), was mentioned at the very end of the first paragraph, perhaps better utilized nearer to the beginning so the reader can get on board with what direction the piece will be heading. An area where this essay could use more thinking and revision would be some transitional phrases going into the following paragraphs. For instance, one statement at the beginning of the fourth paragraph might fit and flow better at the end of the third. A few sentences/ideas could be condensed in some areas to make the sentence structure seem less choppy in a few places, such as, “This is the idea that hooks many.”(2) could become incorporated into a bigger thought and become more meaningful in context. A couple too many “however” to start a sentence, but that is a quick fix near the end of revision. I would also try to avoid saying “in conclusion” as the opener to a concluding paragraph. I could offer ways to think about how you want to get your final points across and open with those. Many great points were made throughout the piece, and they felt cohesive to their main point. I liked the examples from personal experience and academic sources to give a good mix, but I would like to see a rubric or assignment sheet to find out if it should have more sources and maybe not be personal, etc.