For this journal, I will provide a quick status report on where I am in the profile project. I had asked Prof. Ahmida if he would be interested in having an interview/photo and profile written about him for my journalism class pretty soon after the project was laid out so I already have some background information from that quick meeting and have a more formal interview scheduled for Tuesday 4/2. My early workshop draft has been ready since Tuesday of this week, so I will continue to add to that. I was also able to sit down with one of his research assistants and a student who has taken many of his courses, Bella Caprio, and she was able to provide insights on how his research recognition has impacted UNE. Looking forward to the next two weeks or so before the workshop, I will add Bella’s content to my rough draft/outline, conduct the interview with Prof. Ahmida early next week, and spend the rest of that week finding the angle of the story and drafting a full workshop draft. If time permits, I would also like to add some comments from a few colleagues, and I think Prof. Susan McHugh would be willing to add some comments and expertise on research that would add great context.
Month: March 2024
Murder Trial Comes to a Close with 40-Year Sentence
Biddeford, ME – Almost three years to the day after the brutal murder of Rhonda Pattelena in York, Maine, on March 26, 2021, Jeffrey Buchannan of Massachusetts was sentenced to 40 years in prison.
Pattelena, age 35 at the time of her death, was beaten over the head repeatedly with a rock by
Buchannan, her long-term partner and father of their then two-year-old son, at Short Sands Beach in York.
The horrific murder was captured by Pattelena’s Snapchat video, surveillance footage from nearby buildings, as well as multiple eye-witness accounts from individuals near the beach.
For the three years following Pattelena’s death, Buchannan, now age 36, claimed numerous mental health ailments such as schizophrenia, paranoia, and delusions, yet no official diagnosis was ever made.
Wednesday’s trial marked the final chapter of this emotionally charged domestic violence case, with Superior Court Justice Richard Mulhern presiding over the court at the York Judicial Center in Biddeford to hear the final arguments of the State and Buchannan before delivering the ultimate sentence.
The court was filled with members of Pattelena’s family and friends, many wearing shirts in
support that read “Justice for Rhonda” as her mother, sister, and lifelong friends delivered statements, pleading with the court to give the maximum sentence that had been capped at 43 years.
Reliving the trauma of her sister’s death, Jessica Pattelena stated, “He pretended he wanted to marry my sister and took her to her favorite spot and waited until her back was turned to commit this heinous act.”
Lauri Pattelana, mother of the deceased, also addressed the court, “Her ability to live, breath, watch and raise her boys…were taken at the hands of a pure evil monster.”
Before Justice Mulhern recessed to survey the footage one last time, Buchannan spoke candidly to the court, saying, “I am ashamed, terrified, and disappointed in what I did…I can’t and won’t forgive myself” and asked the court to consider a 30-year sentence.
Justice Mulhern provided his summary and assessment of this cruel act and stated, “The
defendant executed her, and she never saw it coming,” before declaring the final 40-year sentence upon Buchannan.
Chapter 5 in our course textbook covers interviewing techniques, beginning with a few key takeaways from long-time journalist and Pulitzer Prize winner Barbra Walsh on interviewing. Echoing what we started to touch on in class, Walsh talks about how important it is not to dissuade the person you are interviewing by beginning with the most hard-hitting controversial question and instead making them feel heard and given a chance to provide their side of the story and then nearing the end to bring in those crucial questions. I also thought it was helpful to highlight the reality of how fast those interview moments can change and potentially kill a story and all the work you’ve done. Being active and observant seems like such a crucial skill in addition to the actual preparation and writing. Another essential element that this chapter on interviewing methods laid out was the importance of being a great listener – so often, we are consumed with whether or not we have the right question or if we will get enough information that we aren’t as present as we should be in the conversation at hand. Lastly, I found the section on follow-up questions to connect nicely with the important theme of being nonjudgemental, listening, and still maintaining control over the conversation, as you do have to produce something at the end of it all.
Chapter 17 on profiles and obituaries covered a lot of ground, from tips and experience of long-time journalist Alan Richman, writer at GQ, to the essential elements of both profiles and obituaries, important methods such as GOAL, structures, and guidelines. The information surrounding turning points and the GOAL was very informative and helped give me an idea of the larger scope of a profile. As I am beginning to think about my profile story and how much information I want to gather, it was helpful to have some ideas surrounding what patterns I might look for or decisive moments and pay attention to what aspect of the future I can bring to the story. The GOAL method mentioned on page 325 was also a great graphic that helped me visualize what information I might want to gather through my interviewing questions, such as the goals of the past, present, and future, potential obstacles and what they achieved, and relevant background history that can add some context and grounding to the story. I also liked how this chapter made sure to mention numerous times, specifically on pages 331-2, how important maintaining focus is and with profiles also to make sure that there is an awareness of why this story is important now. Focus, angle, and impact are all recurring topics from our class workshop from our feature story, and the profiles feel like they need the same, if not more, craft surrounding this. One aspect of the obituary section that came through as incredibly essential, as in most journalism, was the dedication to background research and the accuracy of facts. That work informs the success and credibility of the whole piece and allows a person’s life to be portrayed accurately and with respect.
Brady:
I really like the tone you are bringing to your headline and subheadline—it feels professional, yet you use creative word choices like “headfirst dive” and “interviewing spree” to keep the reader engaged and hooked on the story. Moving into your lede, I like how you keep it open by not providing all the details, such as which departments or what faculty, but allude to the fact that you will get into the specifics, and that gives me just enough information to keep reading and find out. There are a couple of places, like in the second paragraph, where the wording might feel a bit choppy, but as you continue to draft and maybe read aloud for some pauses or breaking points, I think it will have a great impact. I like your quote from a newly hired research librarian, Conner, as it brings a nice, timely aspect to your article that backs up your claim in the subheading that there have been a lot of new hires in the last year. I know you are still drafting and editing, but I definitely think having a direct quote from Prof. Woodworth would help give you some credibility and then allow you to expand on her words rather than just trying to relay them. One last point you might think about as you continue is what angle you are bringing – maybe it’s a glimpse into only the hiring process, or maybe you could bring in more of what Woodworth sets up for in why so many positions are open or needed.
Nate:
I am definitely intrigued by your headline, and it does have a very jarring element to it. Maybe you could add just a bit more of that perspective/context to your subheadline – I’m thinking of something that could let us know that it isn’t really a debt issue you are raising; it is more of a financial burden on students compared to what they think is doable. You do a great job of formatting your story – it reads smoothly across the page, and the information is separated really well. I also thought the nut graph-type paragraphs that disclosed how UNE is a private institution and how that makes a significant difference compared to federally funded universities was a great point in adding context. I like your three student quotes — I think they give a good idea of the mood and realities from a student’s perspective. You also balanced that well with getting a bookstore employee’s side. If you do have a direct quote from that encounter, that might be nice to incorporate and allow you to expand on that rather than try to reiterate what they said. One last minor question I have is if you were to ask someone who works in the bookstore who is not a student about what they have noticed in the past decade or so, how many students actually use the bookstore at all? That might give you great stats to bolster your impactful statement at the end, where you question if UNE should even have a physical bookstore.
Gage:
This is a very interesting story, and I especially like how your headline opens up the question and leaves us wanting to know more about the specifics. Then, moving into your subhead, it leads us to a more narrow-angle about student satisfaction toward the campus center. In your lede, you also allow for more specifics, such as the size and functionality, which connects us back to the headline. There might be a few spots in the lede that could sound repetitive, but as you keep drafting and reading some parts aloud, you might find some areas for concision. I really like how you provide some of that necessary information following the lede with the times of day that are super busy and also direct experience from someone who has had years of working out there and is now a part of the staff for the football team. You have a good flow from this more informative section into your transition to the angle of impacting fitness goals and overall well-being. I also like how you can weave in some possible solutions. One thing I might want to know as a reader is what current students think and maybe even their ideas for potential solutions – adding a couple of quotes like that could help a lot.
Today’s workshop covered feature stories from Gage and Brady – many of the comments from the group centered around gaining more student perspectives and working on finding the focus or angle of the story. One comment from Nick that was impactful for both Gage’s story and our group as a whole was how he suggested finding someone to talk to who “has the power to make those decisions.” He brought up a crucial point in how the work of the journalist has to find a variety of individuals who either have access to the people in powerful positions that might really impact a story or who are themselves decision makers. Another helpful comment from today’s class came from Kristen while we workshopped Brady’s story. She suggested how his capitalization in the headline wasn’t consistent and even provided a possible solution or example that he could look to for reference. Sometimes, when we are nearing the end of our drafting process or caught up in the content, it can be so nice to bring a quick fix to our attention.
There were lots of great editorial team moments from today’s workshop, but a few that stood out as most helpful and impactful were around student perspectives and how to place our statements in the correct context. Sarah Bourdeau offered two really helpful points. One was during our workshop on Caitlin’s story, where she made the point that it might be best to bring in the fact that UNE is a private institution, as Caitlin’s story is about UNE’s tuition. I found this to be really impactful as we think about how we as journalists represent the facts we have – if certain points are taken too far out of context, we might be creating a narrative that strays a bit from the whole truth. On the same note, when workshopping Sarah Bedore’s story, Sarah Bourdeau offered some advice on the importance of interviewing students if the story centers on student experiences in the mailroom. Again, placing the story in the context of the actual students it impacts, such as work-study students being the only people available to work in the mailroom, provides a whole new perspective to her issue in mailroom complaints. Another helpful example from our classroom-style newsroom came from Tony as we were workshopping Cole’s story on UNE’s dorm accessibilities. When our conversation turned to the potential angle of looking into UNE’s elevators, costs, etc., Tony jumped in with a personal connection to someone who would have a lot of expertise and credibility and offered to share that with Cole.
Cole:
I really enjoyed this piece, and your anecdotal lede and headline are doing a great job of opening the story in a way that keeps me engaged, wanting to know more, and keep reading. Talking with multiple RAs is a great way to gain information from the administrative side of things as they work for the school, but above all, they are students too. There are two or three pretty big paragraphs, and as you keep drafting and organizing your thoughts, it might help to keep what we have said in class in mind and find the natural breaking points. Especially when you have such great quotes with impact from the RA’s, having those able to stand out would be good. Another aspect of your story that I find very interesting is how you are able to expand into a larger critique of how UNE might be able to work on better housing practices in general. I wonder if this is something that you want to continue to develop that you could maybe get a few quotes from students living in triples meant to be doubles and get their first-hand experience into the story. Also, it might help as you find the focus/angle to see if you could lay out how you have more to say about UNE’s use of accommodations earlier in the story.
Kristen:
I love this story, and you do such a great job of maintaining that element of formality, even though the story is a bit humorous. Your headline and subhead showcase that balance as you leave the headline more open-ended, with the reader not quite sure what direction the article is heading. Then, as you continue reading into the subhead, I am compelled to keep reading! One minor formatting/style comment I have is to look into the indents of your paragraphs and see if you want to keep those all aligned left. Moving into your quotes, I like how you started with the comments from Dr. Tilburg and then framed the rest of the article by looking at how such a simple explanation could have so many conspiracies. I also like how you are able to use the story to draw attention to the more significant implications of what happens when certain situations aren’t disclosed to the public, and I found that your quote from Payne has a lot of impact regarding this.
Caitlin:
This is a super interesting story, and I think the headline does a good job of providing the aim of the story – a subheadline as you keep drafting might help add some context and can be another way to hook the reader in. Your lede is concise but has good information as to what you will be talking about, and I like how you phrased the tuition as “daunting.” A minor suggestion for the lede would be to remove the Biddeford ME as we don’t need it in a feature story and because you provide that situational context right there in your lede with UNE. Your following paragraphs/nutgraph highlight a ton of great statistics. The only thing I am wondering is how you might integrate the chart – it is a super helpful visual that you could ask in the workshop and see what others think. I like the angle you bring to the end of the piece in working in UNE’s well-known motto of working toward a “healthier planet” and then opening up the conversation to the tuition price, barring that education for students who want to work in that atmosphere.
Sarah Bedore:
I like how your headline and subheading are able to work together to hook the reader in and then expand on some of the specifics of your article – really nice flow. Your lede has a lot of information and is a bit on the longer side. However, one thing I was thinking about when I tried to narrow my lede is to see what information is still crucial to the story but could work better elsewhere and free up some space to add that more feature story quality to the lede with less formality and maybe some creative hook to keep us moving through the article. I like the quote from Lapirere and how you have embedded her statements within the narrative of your piece so it feels like a conversation rather than just lone quotes on their own. As you go about editing and working on this story, one thing I might like to see as a reader would be the side of the staff who work in the mail room who aren’t students – it might be able to help your angle when you talk about the communication problem between students who work and want to pick up packages and the mail facilities staff.
Tony: “Started from The bottom, Now were here”
I like the headline and use of popular/recognized language, but I think if you wanted to add a bit more context as to what your article will be about, the subheadline could be a great place to do that and leave the title able to have that anecdotal quality. As we have mentioned in class, I don’t think we need to include Biddeford ME like in hard news, but that is a quick drafting edit. Your lede provides a lot of good information, and this “constant upward trend” you mention immediately lets me know the piece’s direction and focus. The following nutgraph does a great job laying out some important timelines and gives context to UNE’s steps and how relatively new a team we are. Implementing some quotes from the head coach is super helpful, and one suggestion I might add is in that paragraph where you first quote Lichten, there could be three separate quotes within that one long quote. It could help if you want to focus in on each and help break up a few of those important concepts. I feel your conclusion does a great job of highlighting the impact section of the article, being how, in a very short amount of time, UNE football has started to make a name for itself and gain some recognition.
Finn: “Rugby Matters”
I think the headline is very to the point, a bit short at the moment, and I’m wondering if, as you continue to draft and find that central focus, you might add anything to help hook the reader. Your subheadline gives some good context into why rugby is important. However, from the headline and subhead, I’m not entirely sure what direction the piece is heading – whether it is why they had a rough season or why rugby matters. Your lede clarifies this a bit, and I think what was throwing me off just a bit was the placement of the stats from the previous season – one suggestion I might add is allowing the lede to remain clear to your overarching point of looking into “why is rugby important to the players, what are the challenges the men’s team faces, and how will the team be able to adjust and continue forward?” and save those helpful stats for the nutgraph. You have great quotes from players to the coach, and you have gotten a lot of information, but as a reader of this type of journalistic story, I think it is hard to keep the flow and move through the piece with such large paragraphs and numerous quotes within each one. You definitely have so many options, and spacing out the information might help your readers move through the piece and recognize what is significant. I like the move you make in the concluding remarks as you wrap up the impact and propel us to look forward and appreciate the hopeful attitudes UNE is bringing to rugby in the future.
Nick: “Is there favoritism within clubs from the higher-ups?”
I really like this story in general and find it super interesting as someone who runs a new and relatively small club – it can feel overwhelming with the number of clubs on campus. I like your headline and wonder if you might also think about taking some of what you lay out in the lede and working that into a subhead – you definitely have some great insights, but in moving one or two to the headline, you might have more room in lede to provide a glimpse into your impact. One very small observation I have is when you quote from Frank Mangiacapra, it might be best to say, “The first question to Mangiacapra…” instead of Frank for a formality standard and to keep that consistent throughout. I think interviewing Morgan Riessen is also a great move – she is directly involved in all things club and will give your story credibility and fairness. As for the focus of the piece, if you wanted to solidify that angle aspect of the story, one way might be as part of your concluding thoughts on why certain clubs still feel they have a different experience than bigger or more established clubs on campus. Another minor suggestion – as I know you are still working and editing as we go – is to try to find those natural pauses and breaking points within some of your larger paragraphs; I think it might help the flow.
The peer review workshop today touched on a lot of helpful and recursive themes that have come up throughout the process. One moment that stood out to me at the beginning of class was when we workshopped Tony’s piece, and Kristen offered the advice, “Take the journalist out of the journalism.” Not only is it a very clever and succinct way to sum up her constructive point in finding focus and honing in on reporting style, but it also allows us all to think about how essential it is to maintain that separation from ourselves and our beliefs from what we aim to report and highlight other voices. Another key comment from our peer editors was Kayliegh’s comment to Finn on how since his story is on rugby and could be more “punchy,” there could be a less formal tone and things like limiting the questions to self within the story that pulls the reader out. Kayleigh also had some great points earlier in the class on storytelling and how, for instance, when Tony found his angle at the conclusion of his article, bringing that in from the start can really help the reader understand the greater importance and want to continue reading.
