There were lots of great editorial team moments from today’s workshop, but a few that stood out as most helpful and impactful were around student perspectives and how to place our statements in the correct context. Sarah Bourdeau offered two really helpful points. One was during our workshop on Caitlin’s story, where she made the point that it might be best to bring in the fact that UNE is a private institution, as Caitlin’s story is about UNE’s tuition. I found this to be really impactful as we think about how we as journalists represent the facts we have – if certain points are taken too far out of context, we might be creating a narrative that strays a bit from the whole truth. On the same note, when workshopping Sarah Bedore’s story, Sarah Bourdeau offered some advice on the importance of interviewing students if the story centers on student experiences in the mailroom. Again, placing the story in the context of the actual students it impacts, such as work-study students being the only people available to work in the mailroom, provides a whole new perspective to her issue in mailroom complaints. Another helpful example from our classroom-style newsroom came from Tony as we were workshopping Cole’s story on UNE’s dorm accessibilities. When our conversation turned to the potential angle of looking into UNE’s elevators, costs, etc., Tony jumped in with a personal connection to someone who would have a lot of expertise and credibility and offered to share that with Cole.
Author: eohara (Page 10 of 30)
Cole:
I really enjoyed this piece, and your anecdotal lede and headline are doing a great job of opening the story in a way that keeps me engaged, wanting to know more, and keep reading. Talking with multiple RAs is a great way to gain information from the administrative side of things as they work for the school, but above all, they are students too. There are two or three pretty big paragraphs, and as you keep drafting and organizing your thoughts, it might help to keep what we have said in class in mind and find the natural breaking points. Especially when you have such great quotes with impact from the RA’s, having those able to stand out would be good. Another aspect of your story that I find very interesting is how you are able to expand into a larger critique of how UNE might be able to work on better housing practices in general. I wonder if this is something that you want to continue to develop that you could maybe get a few quotes from students living in triples meant to be doubles and get their first-hand experience into the story. Also, it might help as you find the focus/angle to see if you could lay out how you have more to say about UNE’s use of accommodations earlier in the story.
Kristen:
I love this story, and you do such a great job of maintaining that element of formality, even though the story is a bit humorous. Your headline and subhead showcase that balance as you leave the headline more open-ended, with the reader not quite sure what direction the article is heading. Then, as you continue reading into the subhead, I am compelled to keep reading! One minor formatting/style comment I have is to look into the indents of your paragraphs and see if you want to keep those all aligned left. Moving into your quotes, I like how you started with the comments from Dr. Tilburg and then framed the rest of the article by looking at how such a simple explanation could have so many conspiracies. I also like how you are able to use the story to draw attention to the more significant implications of what happens when certain situations aren’t disclosed to the public, and I found that your quote from Payne has a lot of impact regarding this.
Caitlin:
This is a super interesting story, and I think the headline does a good job of providing the aim of the story – a subheadline as you keep drafting might help add some context and can be another way to hook the reader in. Your lede is concise but has good information as to what you will be talking about, and I like how you phrased the tuition as “daunting.” A minor suggestion for the lede would be to remove the Biddeford ME as we don’t need it in a feature story and because you provide that situational context right there in your lede with UNE. Your following paragraphs/nutgraph highlight a ton of great statistics. The only thing I am wondering is how you might integrate the chart – it is a super helpful visual that you could ask in the workshop and see what others think. I like the angle you bring to the end of the piece in working in UNE’s well-known motto of working toward a “healthier planet” and then opening up the conversation to the tuition price, barring that education for students who want to work in that atmosphere.
Sarah Bedore:
I like how your headline and subheading are able to work together to hook the reader in and then expand on some of the specifics of your article – really nice flow. Your lede has a lot of information and is a bit on the longer side. However, one thing I was thinking about when I tried to narrow my lede is to see what information is still crucial to the story but could work better elsewhere and free up some space to add that more feature story quality to the lede with less formality and maybe some creative hook to keep us moving through the article. I like the quote from Lapirere and how you have embedded her statements within the narrative of your piece so it feels like a conversation rather than just lone quotes on their own. As you go about editing and working on this story, one thing I might like to see as a reader would be the side of the staff who work in the mail room who aren’t students – it might be able to help your angle when you talk about the communication problem between students who work and want to pick up packages and the mail facilities staff.
Tony: “Started from The bottom, Now were here”
I like the headline and use of popular/recognized language, but I think if you wanted to add a bit more context as to what your article will be about, the subheadline could be a great place to do that and leave the title able to have that anecdotal quality. As we have mentioned in class, I don’t think we need to include Biddeford ME like in hard news, but that is a quick drafting edit. Your lede provides a lot of good information, and this “constant upward trend” you mention immediately lets me know the piece’s direction and focus. The following nutgraph does a great job laying out some important timelines and gives context to UNE’s steps and how relatively new a team we are. Implementing some quotes from the head coach is super helpful, and one suggestion I might add is in that paragraph where you first quote Lichten, there could be three separate quotes within that one long quote. It could help if you want to focus in on each and help break up a few of those important concepts. I feel your conclusion does a great job of highlighting the impact section of the article, being how, in a very short amount of time, UNE football has started to make a name for itself and gain some recognition.
Finn: “Rugby Matters”
I think the headline is very to the point, a bit short at the moment, and I’m wondering if, as you continue to draft and find that central focus, you might add anything to help hook the reader. Your subheadline gives some good context into why rugby is important. However, from the headline and subhead, I’m not entirely sure what direction the piece is heading – whether it is why they had a rough season or why rugby matters. Your lede clarifies this a bit, and I think what was throwing me off just a bit was the placement of the stats from the previous season – one suggestion I might add is allowing the lede to remain clear to your overarching point of looking into “why is rugby important to the players, what are the challenges the men’s team faces, and how will the team be able to adjust and continue forward?” and save those helpful stats for the nutgraph. You have great quotes from players to the coach, and you have gotten a lot of information, but as a reader of this type of journalistic story, I think it is hard to keep the flow and move through the piece with such large paragraphs and numerous quotes within each one. You definitely have so many options, and spacing out the information might help your readers move through the piece and recognize what is significant. I like the move you make in the concluding remarks as you wrap up the impact and propel us to look forward and appreciate the hopeful attitudes UNE is bringing to rugby in the future.
Nick: “Is there favoritism within clubs from the higher-ups?”
I really like this story in general and find it super interesting as someone who runs a new and relatively small club – it can feel overwhelming with the number of clubs on campus. I like your headline and wonder if you might also think about taking some of what you lay out in the lede and working that into a subhead – you definitely have some great insights, but in moving one or two to the headline, you might have more room in lede to provide a glimpse into your impact. One very small observation I have is when you quote from Frank Mangiacapra, it might be best to say, “The first question to Mangiacapra…” instead of Frank for a formality standard and to keep that consistent throughout. I think interviewing Morgan Riessen is also a great move – she is directly involved in all things club and will give your story credibility and fairness. As for the focus of the piece, if you wanted to solidify that angle aspect of the story, one way might be as part of your concluding thoughts on why certain clubs still feel they have a different experience than bigger or more established clubs on campus. Another minor suggestion – as I know you are still working and editing as we go – is to try to find those natural pauses and breaking points within some of your larger paragraphs; I think it might help the flow.
The peer review workshop today touched on a lot of helpful and recursive themes that have come up throughout the process. One moment that stood out to me at the beginning of class was when we workshopped Tony’s piece, and Kristen offered the advice, “Take the journalist out of the journalism.” Not only is it a very clever and succinct way to sum up her constructive point in finding focus and honing in on reporting style, but it also allows us all to think about how essential it is to maintain that separation from ourselves and our beliefs from what we aim to report and highlight other voices. Another key comment from our peer editors was Kayliegh’s comment to Finn on how since his story is on rugby and could be more “punchy,” there could be a less formal tone and things like limiting the questions to self within the story that pulls the reader out. Kayleigh also had some great points earlier in the class on storytelling and how, for instance, when Tony found his angle at the conclusion of his article, bringing that in from the start can really help the reader understand the greater importance and want to continue reading.
Today’s editorial workshop was very lively, and I felt like everyone had a few helpful comments to make. I feel like the central theme of the class was how to make sure we find our angle and how so many other pieces of the editing process will fall into place through that. One comment from our discussion that I found really constructive was from Tony when he framed his suggestion with the opportunity for Evan to gain some more credibility with the addition of an interview with the Atheltic Trainer. Ideas like this one, with a few solid steps the writer can do, make the drafting process seem doable. Another comment or two that stood out to me was from Pheobe when she gave a great piece of personal experience and advice to Sarah Bo. in gaining the perspective of a student who is not in the GUST program but who has changed their major and might have some feelings on if they could have benefited from it. Phoebe also jumped in to answer Grace’s question regarding her word count and how to shorten her piece by making the vital connection that if she spends some time honing in on her angle, what is most important will become apparent, and some cuts can be made with other information not as relevant.
Zak: “Is there a solution to Parking.”
Looking at your headline and sub-head, I know there is a clear, to-the-point issue you will delve into — which is, what are possible solutions to the parking problem at UNE, and is the current policy of allowing freshmen to have cars on campus a part of that? One minor observation on the headline is that it reads as a question, and you might want to add a question mark. But if you want to keep the sub-head the more question-based idea, you could always reword the headline. The lede has great information, especially with the data surrounding the number of residential students and parking lots available, which helps the reader know you have information to back up your story. As we get into the bulk of the story, I think you have a lot of good information and context, like mentioning other schools that don’t allow freshmen to have their cars on campus. There are a few places where you could make sentences/paragraphs a bit more concise – I’m thinking, “When looking at both sides of the debate, it is essential to look at both the positives and negatives of allowing freshman students to have their cars on campus.” – it could be easily implied that if you’re looking to both positive and negatives, that is both sides of the debate. There are some great quotes from the perspective of an upperclassman and two sophomores on their freshman experience. I might suggest that getting a quote from a current freshman in the middle of their first year might be interesting in weighing how strongly students feel. I also really like the angle of weighing the positives and negatives and allowing both sides of the argument. Still, I wondered if you have thought about getting some administrative response or maybe even someone from facilities or safety to give their side of the issue with parking.
Evan: “Danger on the field”
The headline is to the point, and as you are drafting, there may be room to add more context to the headline, but the sub definitely connects and lets me know that this story is about the playing surfaces for football. One suggestion I have for the lede since we are practicing a feature/soft news story is that you could use that space that hooks the reader into what your story is all about and save the information about the coach and his history later if needed. I like how you set up the second paragraph where “In an ideal world programs should make the switch.” – it helps reinforce your angle and support the stats you included where most players also feel artificial turf should be switched to natural grass. There are some minor sentence structure/grammar fixes, but there is plenty of time as this is just a draft. I think the quote from the recruiting coordinator helps set up the tensions between player safety on the field and the unique quality of the blue turf at UNE really well. I also noticed how it seems that the ultimate focus is not so much on whether UNE should switch but on raising awareness that this is a conversation happening on all levels, and there are pros and cons to both. This is a great start and raises many follow-up questions and ways to dig deeper into items like the condition of grass vs. turf upkeep; if you wanted to add another quote, I think that could be a great direction. Maybe ask students or community members who watch football if they would find any difference in going to watch games if the uniqueness of the blue field was gone.
Grace: “America’s Way to Mimick the Walkable City”
I really like your headline – I am immediately interested in how/why the walkable city should be mimicked and want to know more about how the U.S. is doing this. I know we are still in the drafting process, but I think a sub-head would help connect your headline to where your story will go. You have a broad claim in the headline, but it draws me in, and the sub-head could help center your angle. Your lede is also super interesting, and I like how you add some context to how it’s not just at college that people love the feeling of community, but it is something most people still crave as part of the adult world. I think it might be clearer if, again, in the sub-head, you explain that you are referring to the setup of most college campuses as akin to walkable cities. You have great information about the decline of walkable cities in the U.S. as car use became the status quo and how college campuses can be utilized as an example of how to get back to a more humane style of living. Your paragraph about European cities shows you have researched the success of walkable cities in other parts of the world and adds excellent credibility to your piece. The two students you interviewed and incorporated quotes from were very interesting. They have first-hand experience living on-campus in America and Morrocco, which one might think would be very different. The aspect of community and that walkable city feel you highlight are great ways to connect those experiences. I wonder, though, if you have thought of maybe adding quotes from UNE administrators or maybe other students who are from Ameircan cities, and they can add even more context to how college campuses can be a resource to better the layout of our cities.
Sarah Bourdeau: “Guided Undergraduate Studies; Beginning Undeclared in College”
One thing I noticed when looking at your feature story draft was the format – I think for news-style stories and not academic papers, we might want to keep the headline, sub-headline, and byline aligned left on the page – but this could be a good point to clarify in class through the workshop. Another minor formatting point is the organization of paragraphs, where we might want to get away from the essay style and into that journalistic style of shorter sentences and not indent for new paragraphs. I like the way you are opening up this story by giving the reader some context that the Guided Undergraduate Studies program is for students who have not declared a major without explicitly stating all that in the headline. Moving into the lede, I like how you can anticipate the reader’s next question and keep us moving along the story. The data helps give us context into how many students are undeclared, but if you wanted to, I think it could also be super helpful as context after the lede. Your quotes are also super helpful and provide great credibility with someone like Associate Dean Keirstead. Nearing the end, I feel like you really hone in on the impact of your story in highlighting how the rebranding of undeclared studies helps students not rush into majors they don’t want to be in and placing the importance in valuing students’ interests. One suggestion I have is that if you wanted to interview a student who is maybe an upperclassman and has more experience at UNE, it might be a nice point to showcase how the GUST program helped them get to where they are and offer a nice inspirational example to round off the freshman interview.
We had a great discussion in class for workshop #1, and on a more general note, working in a group to think through problems or highlight what is going well impacts my writing in such a great way. Everyone will have different struggles in their writing, and everyone has a different perspective on what is confusing or what speaks to them. Listening to the class weigh in on the other drafts, I gathered so much useful information surrounding citation forms, bylines, and mechanics of the feature story versus hard news just by paying attention to the group conversation. More specifically, a few comments from my fellow “editorial team” members that stuck out to me related to finding the story and thinking about what is missing. I believe it was Finn who mentioned finding the story, and I think it is so easy when we are drafting to get caught up in all the information we have gathered. Trying to construct a coherent piece of writing out of sometimes disjointed and surplus info can be overwhelming. Still, the beauty of getting all the information down is that you have so much flexibility and options to think about what you want to say. In a similar statement from Nick, I think, is this idea that once you have a solid draft, you can begin to think about what is missing. Techniques like taking the time to consider whether there are gaps in what you know you want to get across versus what is on the page. Both of these points relate to finding that focus and portraying it to your audience in the best and most genuine way possible, which I feel is essential in practicing writing like a journalist.
My feature story draft was one of the selections for our class workshop today, Friday, 2/23, and I definitely got some very helpful and constructive feedback from my peers. It was also nice to reflect on how the comments from the class made me feel that the story I have chosen to dig into is relevant to students on campus. After this workshop, I plan to incorporate my interview with Freshman Art Education major Kaylie Norton into the piece to provide that important understanding that new students coming into UNE under the current schedule change don’t know any better. There is nothing to raise concerns over to them as it is the norm. I will also make a few minor mechanical edits surrounding pronouns, some quote formatting, and re-work where my nut graph is. The only major piece I want to add is to interview Prof. Cripps to provide some context and authority to the mood/situation at the student forum back in 2022. As I am thinking about the central focus of the piece and how to provide the impact I am looking for, I also received a great suggestion from Prof. Miller based on the class’ feelings toward the silence mentioned is to add to the craft of the piece by incorporating that somewhere in either my sub-head or lede.
Checking in on what I have done for our Feature Creature assignment, I am on track. I saved my two pitches in a Google doc from when we would have our pitch session in class, so that was a quick upload to my ePortfolio. I also started to think of questions and a focus or direction I wanted my story to take while I came up with the pitch, so I had notes and a few questions to work off of as I started my first draft of around 300 words. I had a meeting with Dean Millen set up for Feb 5th for an unrelated topic, but as we chatted about my classes, I mentioned this project, and he was more than happy to answer a few questions. Those major quotes were a great start, and I posted my second draft of around 500 words. Since then, I have been fine-tuning my questions and figuring out what angle I want to bring to this story. At first, I wanted to keep it to whether students’ feelings about the schedule changed and why or why not. However, after meeting with Dean Millen, some of his points made me reexamine what I wanted to highlight. So far, I have conducted all of my interviews – I have quotes from a junior and two seniors to work off of. Before Friday, I will post my peer review draft, as it is pretty close to ready for that now.
Feedback Group #1 Peer Review Workshop
Phoebe: “RSLA”
From the headline, I definitely know that this story is going to have something to do with the Residential Student Life Association – but I think if I were a reader outside of the class, not knowing anything about your pitch, I might want just a glimpse more of the direction you are going to take us. Jumping into the lede, there are solid facts that help orient me to what this association is, what its goals are, and who it is for. One thing I might raise is that I know we are all UNE students, but if we weren’t, it might be helpful for the impact of your story to provide that fact of what campus you’re going to talk about. You have a very detailed and helpful nut graph that gives lots of great specifics to the RSLA. Still, I think it is only a paragraph later that I start to uncover the story’s angle or purpose – that engagement in RSLA has been down. From that, we then get into how you highlight some potential reasons and look for solutions to the issue through talking with members, former advisors, etc. I think it is a great story and one that really impacts campus life – it might be helpful to think of a way to draw us into it from the beginning since it’s not hard news, and we have more creative opportunities could be a great tool.
Molly: “An Icy Start To the Rookie Season”
I really like your subheadline – it draws me in and lets me know that you are taking the story even further than just recruitment but that there is something to be said – whether good or bad – about strengthing and maintaining the team as well. The lede tells me what I should pay attention to regarding where we are, UNE, what the hockey team looks like, when it started, and who runs it. I think it’s a smart move to begin with a credibility/authorial position from the coach’s statement and then give the reader some information on the recruiting process and the realities of running a somewhat new team. I like the line, “It is easy to see the amount of work and time that goes into recruiting new players. However, come game time these typically aren’t the players in the line-up.” I think it does a great job of wrapping up the business side of the team and transitions us to hear from the students’ perspectives as well. The conclusion flows nicely for me, and I can see how you are taking this in a way right of passage that freshman playing time is often a major point of complaint and highlighting a new perspective on the strategic element that could be more appreciated and change the mood of the team. As for the structure, feature stories are longer and less confined by the fast, hard-hitting news, but I do think that there could be a few spots where, if you wanted to break up the paragraphs, you definitely have the content and ideas to support some of those being on their own and might keep the reader going a little easier. I think your piece also raised a question for me in terms of citation, and I wonder if, after you have already introduced who you are quoting, we also need to include parenthetical citations.
Kayleigh: “The Living shoreline project is giving students opportunities to take positive action in the face of climate change”
I like the headline a lot – it has some great keywords that provide insight into your story’s tone and goal. Highlighting student opportunities, taking action – and positive action at that – and within the scope of globally recognized efforts toward climate change solutions makes me want to continue reading. I’m not sure if ePortfolio may have compressed some of your paragraphs, but what I think looks like your lede gives necessary information on what school and students you are referring to – being UNE – and what professor or person of authority we can look to for credibility and also providing some specifics like the course students are in and the strategies and unique situation of our “picturesque campus.” I also think there is so much great information regarding this project’s mission and good evidence in terms of climate change that makes me, as the reader, see the connection between our unique experience at UNE and being able to test what might occur globally. The quotes from Morgan and Faraday provide some nice context and give a sense of urgency that I think is always needed when looking into climate solutions. The ending does a lot in providing the amount awarded to UNE and shows the tangible impact this project can have – although I would love to have heard directly from a student in this program or maybe to provide some thoughts on the new opportunity.
